I agree with.
-Which is rare, for me. It's not that most girls don't know what they respond to when it comes to men... most are just really bad at explaining it. And I don't fault them for it, any more than I fault men for being equally clueless on the whole. Either way, this girl was a lot of fun to chat with, and I'll probably have a lot more convos with her in the future.
Case in point: I recently stumbled upon this entry in her blog, where Soon2BeCatLady makes a daring proposition about single mothers/single fathers. It's a bit counter-intuitive, but it makes sense. Ready for it?
"If you are a parent, you should not list on your online dating profile that you have kids."
And you know what? Her reasons make perfect sense. It's up to you to read the post; I think she makes excellent points. In fact, her argument is makes so much sense that I quickly commented on the post, adding even a few more reasons why. Ladies, if you've got a kiddie and you're on the market for a boyfriend/husband/whatever, it's important for you to understand from the male's perspective why a guy might flee from your profile, even if he doesn't really have a problem with kids at all. Here follows that perspective:
➢Personally, my drawback almost never has to do with the presence of a kid – but rather, the accompanying attitude that (generally) comes with a kid. When a girl puts “I have a kid and (s)he’s my world” down, What I hear in my mind is, “I'm obsessed with my child and am no longer a person unto myself. I will prioritize this child over everything, including you, even if we end up being in a serious relationship." I have no interest in pursuing a relationship in which I have to prove myself more important than a kid 1/10th my age - I’m interested in a dating a woman, NOT her kid.
“I have a kid” in a profile is kind of like saying “I’m not creepy” in a message. SUREEEE you're not a creep. SUREEEE you’re not gonna let the date get derailed by every little thing and be so worried about the kid that you can’t even enjoy yourself, I believe you…. (not).
On the other hand, I would have MASSIVE respect for a girl who didn’t feel the need to broadcast her tiny human sidekick at first, who choose to bring it up at a later time, and who I could tell loved her kid, and also wasn’t weighed down by him. I’m interested in finding a wife someday, and I’d like to become a husband – not just a replacement father figure for a failed relationship with casualties of war. If I knew becoming an equal partner in a relationship was the main goal, then becoming a father without having to change any diapers would just be an added bonus.
PS: Here's a quick example (both single fathers and mothers) that you can get an idea from:
Say you have your online profile, and get into a conversation with someone. When you get to the point of a phone conversation (or the planning stages of a date, if you skip the phone conversation), it'd be totally appropriate to say something along the lines of, "By the way, I don't want this to be a big deal, but I think it's important for you to know that I have a kid. You won't meet [him/her] any time soon, and we're obviously just getting together to see where things go, but on the off chance that things get serious, I don't want you to be blindsided by it. Okay?" - and just leave it at that. Remember, things have to go well between you and your potential mate before you even bring the kid into the mix, so it's much easier to take it one step at a time. First see if the two of you click. THEN if it starts to get serious, that's where you test the waters with the kid and see where it goes from there.
Also, single parents: I said this already, and it bears repeating: Don't introduce your kids to every single person you date. It's cruel to the point of being abusive. Your child does NOT need a revolving door of temporary and fleeting mother/father figures. Wait to introduce your kid to someone that has real potential for being your future mate.
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