I chanced upon the #Feminism hashtag on twitter, and I saw this beauty of a picture. Indeed, it's brilliance was so overwhelmingly bright that I was inspired to write a response, an ode if you will, to its utter and sheer magnificence. This follows below.
For those that are at risk, these are some great rape prevention tips. #feminism pic.twitter.com/1olg0gGuw6
— Jeremiah Gibbs (@jeremiah_gibbs) March 21, 2015
Hark! What an intelligent sentiment! I should ask for consent! And here I was, an almost-rapist, somehow thinking that women had no capacity for reason or choice! My, what a mistake I almost made, but you sir, despite your posting this merely with the intention of taking pleasure in preaching downwards to other people, you have saved me!
Of course, I know not of all those other rapists who rape women despite a lack of consent because they simply do not care about a woman's consent, but forget helping women watch out for such a monster! Nay, this one picture has changed me through snarky shaming, and now the world is ever so slightly better off!
And mayhaps there are more poor ignorant would-be rapists, caught in such a position only because they couldn't figure out how to tell if a woman is non-consenting though such obvious signs as kicking, screaming, and saying the word "no." What a marvelous concept, this wonderful sign!
Lo, what a great service you do, pretending that rape only occurs because of idiot men! Surely your great deed here shall be remembered for all time, having stopped at least one potential rapist! Never mind the reinforcement of the ignorant stereotype that rapists have no clue what they're doing, or the perpetuation of the idea that women shouldn't defend themselves, nay, this one sign, I declare: it has wrought GOOD in this world.
Women! Care not for carrying mace or making smart decisions about who you spend time around; merely show the men in your life this sign, and all shall be well! Homeowners, fret not about an unlocked door or car with an open window, merely place a sign snarking at robbers, and surely they will repent of their ways! Men of the Cloth! Forget not that humans are a flawed species prone to evil, and merely tell them not to do bad things any more, and surely those evil among us shall stop!
For is this not the way of things? No man is evil, except that he forget not to rape or steal in the morn! And lo, those among us unfortunate enough to have forgotten not to kill, for clearly such otherwise clean men did not murder out of malice or intent to destroy the life of another despite their lack of consent, no! We merely forgot to show them a twitter post telling them in a snarky manner to avoid killing while pretending that all men are so stupid as to not know the value of life!
QUICK MAN, write another sign! Soon we shall stop all crime! Woe to the ignorant criminals who know not what they do!
Now if only I knew what to do with all this Rohypnol that I so innocently bought...
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